HOW TO MAKE YOUR WOMAN LAUGH

Laughter! It's a renowned dating and flirting strategy that really works. A girl who finds you funny is far more likely to fall for all your other charms—and ladies, take note: men like women who think they're funny! In addition to leveling the ground between you, using humor will relieve the nervous tension of first date jitters, negate worries about "not being or looking good enough," and draw the two of you closer together. To make a girl laugh, try these tips:

Steps

Develop Your Humorous Self

1. 1
   Keep a positive outlook. Having a positive nature goes hand in hand with a good sense of humor. Being happy and positive to be around will win her over every time. If you're able to be a positive source of morale boosting when she's feeling down, she will naturally gravitate towards you.
   
   
   
   • Trying to find the positive take in even negative situations will ensure that you come across as easygoing, considerate, and kind, all traits a girl can easily connect with.
   • Think about the people who send out positive vibes. If you're not already competent with setting people at their ease, what do these guys do that you can put into action too?
   • Be playful. Being funny includes being playful, sometimes teasing, and always looking for the fun angle. The serious stuff can wait for serious times.
   • If you're feeling temporarily down or melancholy, keep this to yourself or beg off seeing her until you're feeling more upbeat. A lasting impression of you being down is not a good start to a relationship!
2. 2
   Learn how to be funny. Does humor come naturally to you? Do you know how to make other people laugh (with you, not at you)? If not, it's time to find your inner funny bone, and the easiest place to start is to know what makes you laugh. Think of the kinds of things you think are funny, and try those out for yourself.
   • Don't "try" to be funny—that never works. Instead, try to see the humor in things, and use that instead. When you do that, you begin to be genuinely funny, which will make it easier for your girlfriend laugh. She'll recognize your sincerity and your ability to see the world as a joyful and happy place. This is a major turn on!
3. 3
   Be natural. Being funny is innate, provided you trust your own sense of humor to shine through. Here are some helpful hints to improve your funny side:
   • Use your body language to express humor. Your facial expressions, body position, movements, and tone of voice can all impact how funny you seem. Don't be shy at making good use of your physical abilities to convey the funnier side of things, from pulling faces to funny walks! Think of actors such as Jim Carey or Ben Stiller, or comedy teams like Monty Python.
   • Practice being funny. See the world with a humorous outlook and regularly try to transform everyday situations into funny anecdotes in your mind. The more that you practice this, the easier it gets and it will become second nature for you to respond in this way under pressure
   • Situational humor is ultimately easier and more likely to work for you than memorizing reams of jokes made up by other people.
   • Expect a tough room now and then. Even professional comedians have off nights, or tough rooms that just won't laugh at even the best material. Be prepared to have a joke bring nothing but a grimace to her face now and then—that's part and parcel of being humorous. Laugh it off, and make fun of your joke delivery system failing at launch or some other humorously self-deprecating approach. Do not say "I suck at telling jokes." That might be true, but it's not funny. She will agree, and think to herself, "He's boring me now."
4. 4
   Placing yourself at the center of humorous anecdotes. Be careful not to come across as a lame duck with serious low self-esteem issues, or as a perpetual clown. Do this by focusing on how your good qualities have pulled you through some challenging or embarrassing situations where other less humorous people might have responded in a frustrated, unforgiving, or annoyed way.
   • Show yourself as a fun-loving guy who trips up now and then but readily dusts off the dirt and keeps on trying until you get to where you're headed. Being able to laugh at yourself and your own shortcomings will demonstrate to a girl that you're a down-to-earth kind of guy, able to handle criticism, and that you don't give up easily. In addition, if she's certain you're able to poke fun at yourself, it'll be easier to poke fun at her sweet little foibles when you're more familiar with one another without her seeing this as an attack on her.

Focus Your Attention on the Girl

1. 1
   Respect her. Respecting a girl's individuality and unique qualities is an essential part of earning her trust. With trust comes the ease of enjoying one another's company, making it easier to encourage her to laugh. Every girl is different and as such, different things will make her laugh from other girls. For you, this means accepting that what might have worked for one girl won't necessarily work with another girl. Spend time learning what works best in her case.
   • If it turns out that she doesn't seem to find anything funny, that's a good sign that you two may not be compatible. It could also mean that she's going through a rough patch, and doesn't find much of anything happy. See how she reacts around other people. If she laughs at their jokes, but doesn't find yours very humorous, move along.
2. 2
   Listen to her. Listening is an important part of creating humor. Good comedians observe everyone and everything around them to see what makes people tick; they take their observations and reflect them back at their audience by enlarging the funnier side of life's trials or pointing out things in a light that others might not have noticed the funny side of before.
   • By listening carefully, you'll learn what she really cares about, thinks about, and believes in, all important observations for you to know what makes her laugh. Good listening will give you material to have fun with as well as to keep the wheels of conversation turning. Just make sure that whatever you learn about her and try to make funny is not something "sacred" to her, or you'll risk offending her.
3. 3
   Laugh with her. Laughter is infectious, so this part won't be hard to do. Laughing with her will raise your standing in her eyes. If you find her funny, and you're engaged with her jokes, happiness, and laughing, it will show her that you're special and care enough to fall into her rhythm and sense of humor. Just like you want her to appreciate your sense of humor, she instinctively likes it when you find her sense of humor funny.
   
   
   
   
   • Mimic her style of humor. If it's risqué, for example, use risqué humor yourself. Do this as much as you and still keep it natural. If your humor is naturally sunny and gentle, adopting a dark, sarcastic style will come across as forced.
   • Naturally, only follow her lead once you're absolutely sure of her style of humor—be careful to forgive nervous silliness on her behalf.
   • Find out her favorite comedians, funny movies, or sitcoms. Watch them with her and laugh together. You'll be able to explore your favorites too once she's confident enough that you're a broadly humorous guy.
   • Once you know her particular likes in the area of comedy, try quoting lines from a show, or relating scenes that are particularly funny. This shows her that you're willing to enjoy her humor, which makes you very attractive!

Prompt Laughter

1. 1
   Practice one-liners. Not quite a cheat code, but one-liners can be a good beginner's way of finding the right words for the right moment. One-liners can help bring about a laugh, or at least, a happy smile when needed; just don't confuse witty one-liners with lame pick-up lines, and never over-use these or you'll sound like that pathetic character in the movie nobody likes. There are many one-liners you can find with a quick search on the internet, but here's a small sample of one-liners showing how you might use them:
   • Never frown, you never know who might be noticing your smile. If she's feeling a little blue, this can be a caring but fun pick-me-up that shows you love her wonderful smile.
   • When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. (Franklin D. Roosevelt) If she's a little annoyed about something that's happening in her life, this can be a way of showing you care and a way to encourage a gritty laugh.
   • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. Trying to make her laugh if she hurts herself, or to deflect your own pain if you hurt yourself.
   • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. For those times when you can't make up your mind or if she's dithering!
2. 2
   Be silly. There are some truly silly things you can do to make her laugh. Naturally, all of the following are highly dependent on how well you know this girl and whether or not she appreciates "silly"; and remember that the joke's best when you're able to laugh at yourself:
   • Paw her like a cat and meow. Ask to be groomed.
   • Make silly faces. Go to a photo booth together, pull very silly faces and take the photos; this is guaranteed to start some laughs when you check out the wacky results!
   • Give deadpan, teasing responses to silly questions. For example, if she says "Do you date a lot?", respond in a cocky tone with something like: "Not usually, normally I spend all my time on Second Life pretending I have a life, can't you tell? (Insert genuine grin)"^[1] Be sure to smile genuinely when delivering such a cocky response, and be aware that this sort of retort can fall flat if she thinks you're making fun of her—or if she spends all her time on Second Life pretending to have a life!
   • Act dumb. Give her a really blank look in response to something she's asked or said, as if you don't know the answer and it's causing you great confusion while you try to "get it". Only keep this up as long it takes to be funny—it's not something to be overdone, or she'll begin to think you really are dumb.
   • Do impersonations of funny performances from comedians like John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson, or Charlie Chaplin; or impersonate people both of you know, if that's safe ground. Mimic their voices, facial expressions, movements, or even lines.
   • Tell her to dare you to do something really silly, then do it (as long as it's not illegal or dangerous, of course).
   • Flirt while being silly.
3. 3
   Tickle her. If you know her well enough, try a tickle! Tickling is an amazing way to break down both laughter and physical barriers. It's hard not to laugh when you're being tickled... The only qualifications on this is that she must be someone who doesn't mind being tickled. It's hardly going to win you a prize if she can't stand being tickled and you won't stop. Try this (and never stop smiling):
   • Ask her if her feet are ticklish.
   • Whatever her answer, ask if you can test this out.
   • If she lets you, remove her footwear and start tickling her feet.
   • Aim higher—tickle the sides of her tummy or her neck, and see how she reacts! Provided she's laughing and happy about it, all is good. Stop at any sign she isn't enjoying the tickle, and do give her the implicit opportunity to tickle you right back.
4. 4
   Do fun and adventurous things together. Fun activities that have a thrill or an exciting edge are good for invoking laughs. It's up to you what might work best but some ideas include going for a ride on a cycle, scooter, or motor cycle together; taking a helicopter tour of the city; water sliding; visiting a local theme park (dodgem cars are great!); chasing waves at the beach; or maybe even taking a bungee jump together if you're game (the laughter will follow!). If it's novel and exciting, it's bound to make her laugh.
5. 5
   Find funny material to keep her laughing when you're not around. Send her emails or text messages that are funny and cute at the same time. Many of the following suggestions can serve to make her laugh and can be great topics of conversation when you meet up again too:
   • Find a website that specializes in cute, funny pictures of soft, furry animals doing funny things, such as kittens sitting in a shoe, pigs in boots, baby pandas, a kitten being friends with a dog, or a pony eating an ice cream, etc. Send her some of the photos to make her laugh.
   • Send her funny jokes about things you know will make her laugh. Either do a focused search for jokes online, or send on any jokes you've been sent that you found funny and think she will too—the beauty of this latter method is that she'll feel like "one of the boys" if she realizes she's being sent material normally reserved for your male friends!
   • Send her funny photos of yourself, from baby photos to now.
   • Share the links with her to funny sites that you enjoy.

Get the Balance Right

1. 1
   Don't leave the laughter hanging. The moment of transition between a good laugh and your continuing conversation is very important. You've just told a funny joke or related an hilarious incident, she's laughed her head off...and now, silence. Silence will pull apart the good your humor has injected into the conversation. Always be ready with conversational follow-throughs.
   • For example, if you've just cracked that joke and she's laughed, at least be ready with a line like "And so, what are your thoughts about X,Y,Z" (leading on from the joke material perhaps), or, "What do you like about your job?", or "How about we order something to eat, all that laughing's got my appetite up" (followed by small talk), etc. Stay with the drift and keep in mind that there's no need to come up with laugh after laugh. In fact, it can go from being fun to tedious if you overdo the joking. You'll go from being seen as humorous to being a dolt, if you're not careful.
2. 2
   Avoid jokes or bitter sarcasm that will plummet your standing in her mind. These are the jokes that border on insulting, are insulting, or are simply crude. Avoid telling any sexist, ethnic, or religious jokes. These are touchy topics at the best of times and are definitely not safe ground unless you know the girl incredibly well—even then, be careful!
   • Don't make fun of women, her friends, her family, or female matters. And definitely do not make jokes about weight, appearance, or dress size.
   • Don't make jokes about her. It doesn't matter how funny you see them and how inoffensive you mean them to be—she will be likely to take offense and see the joke in its worst light. Equally, don't laugh at her, under any circumstances, unless you don't want to see her again.
   • Steer clear of being mean about other people as a form of humor. Not only is humiliating people not funny, it will also have her wondering if you'll turn on her next.
   • When you don't know her well, avoid the man jokes, including sarcastic, dark, or intimidating ones. When you know her better, you'll be better prepared to know whether she's alright with this sort of humor or not. In judging the suitability of your sarcastic or ironic remarks, keep in mind the comment by Agnes Repplier that "humor brings insight and tolerance; irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding." If in doubt, keep it friendly rather than darkly clever.
3. 3
   Relax—don't burden her or yourself with the need to laugh. Laughter is spontaneous and wells up from humorous situations and trying to see the good side to all things. And equally, there are times when laughing isn't appropriate or it just doesn't feel right. Trust your instincts on when not to try and make the girl laugh, for example, when it's a somber occasion, or when something very serious has happened.
   • In wanting to "make a girl laugh", the intent matters. It's not possible to make anybody do anything against their will unless you're coercing them. That's hardly likely if you want laughter as the result! If she finds you funny, that's fantastic, but if not, you might simply have to rethink your strategy and assess your limitations.
   • Try not clown around too much—a little is funny, too much is embarrassing for both of you.
   • Trying to be funny when you don't feel funny, or when it just isn't clicking for you, will cause you distress and can take away from the enjoyment of spending time with this girl. Don't try too hard!
   • Laughter will come by itself if both of you are relaxed and enjoying each other's company.

THE GIRL I SAW WASN'T THE GIRL I FELL IN LOVE WITH

The girl I fell in love with wasn’t so daft as to think that by touching her, I was taking her as a toy. The girl I fell in love with was free around me and never found reasons to tell me “you wont understand” with regards to any issue at all. The girl I fell in love with seemed to  understand the depth of my love for her and knew  I could never derive pleasure in ruining her life by defiling her . The girl I fell in love with treated love for what it is; a one way street; you are either in or out, and  when you are in, you give all to make it work.
However, the girl I saw  YESTERDAY seemed to think of me as a greedy merchant who was bent on relieving her of her “golden wares”. She seemed to see me as someone whose words didn’t worth any more than the air that produced them and who couldn’t even get his actions to fit with his intentions! In this  disposition of the mind; there was generally bound to be a division between us, which gave her the impression  that I couldn’t understand her anymore… And she was poised to defend herself from  me even if it meant resorting to uncivil and impolite measures!  The girl I saw wasn’t the girl I fell in love with.
If when I tell you I wont do something; you think I’m only lying to get what I want from you: how then can we be said to be friends?  By being  of this position of the mind, you are bringing the type of rubbish I find in the relationships of my friends which are full of distrust, suspicion, cheating, heartbreaks,  and (if you have any negative adjective; you might as well add it here.) into our relationship and I cant have that.
If you are this wary; how can I be my normal free childish person around you?

HOW TO BECOME A TECHNOLOGY WIZARD

It surprises one to see the amount of veneration, remuneration, and recognition accorded the protagonists of the tech world of the 21st century. Bill Gates, for instance, remains one of the Richest men Ever, to put on a pair of glasses. Larry Page, has more far more money than he knows what to do with. Steve Jobs literally shook the world when he died. And what about Young Mack Zuckerbarck; well, lets just say that with his billionaire status and all, if you ever find yourself in love with a girl he fancies; you know who the loser will be. Got the picture?
In view of the enviable dispositions of these tech giants, wont it be nice to find yourself in their shoes. Riding in long wicked limos like Bill Gates,  Going about snubbing people like Larry Page, and being a sex symbol like Mark Zuckerbag? Yeah! I got your answer!
Well, this article was written to show you how to make this dream a reality…well almost a reality.
You Need to be A freak:
 Do you think Gates’ d  be able to write a program as sophisticated as Microsoft Operating system if he went about flaunting good clothes, eating cheese, and making more friends than a politician? No way. To be a tech wiz, you must start wearing extremely weird clothes. Anything oversize will do. And you also need to get a pair of glasses and have an eye sickness or you can at least claim one. (I mean, haven’t you noticed Gates and Mark). 
Once you are done with the costume, progress to your social life. Avoid parties, social gatherings of any kind, and have only one friend; your laptops, I Pads, and headphones! You should avoid friends as sensitively as one’s DI_k avoids hot metal. And if you could accumulate a little body  odor too; that’ll be just fine…








Belong to a Weird Religion: You didn’t know? Gates is neither a Christian, Muslim nor, atheist. Rather, his own religion is a lot more thrilling. In an interview, he mentioned that he is an “Agnostic”. Now, how many people do you know as “Agnostics”? Not many right? That’s the spirit! Okay, lets come down to young Zuckerbarck. The guy is as atheistic as a stone! He would sooner lose his Facebook empire than agree to go to church with you. And when you count the number of atheists on our beloved planet; you realize they aren’t many too.
To further buttress this point; have you ever wondered about the Old Jobs’ religion is? Buddhism! Now, you might say you’ve heard of this religion a couple of times but when last did you see its adherent? Let me guess…. Last 10 years?
Other tech wizards are affiliated to the Church of Satan, Church of Scientology; and if a new church, going by the name of “ Lucifer’s temple” emerges, you would be sure to see tech wizards there in no time. Hence, to become a tech wiz; you need to join a freaky religion and you need to join it really fast!
Be close to your computers: the truth is; in the 1990s, there were lots of things to be invented. We had no Facebook, no 2go, no whats app, and Google wasn’t even around. Hence, it was a lot more tedious becoming a tech wiz then. You had to know python, C plus, Java, Java Script (Why do these codes come with such horrible names anyway?)  and a lot of other dangerous codes. Luckily for you however, today’s tech wiz doesn’t have to subject himself to any of these.
Anything you want to invent now; someone else has already invented. Matter of fact, 2go  was only copied from face book. Whats app was copied from Yahoo. And G mail
So you see, there is nothing really there to invent anymore. All you need to do is sit by your system all the time. It doesn’t matter if you are watching a movie (though computer wizards don’t watch movies) , playing games or just reading novels. Always keep your eyes glued to a computer screen. Period!

Finally; be miserly:     Marck Zuckerback, whom as you might have noticed, is one of our core reference points in this article goes about in cheap slippers, wears old T shirts, and dirty jean trousers.  Steve Jobs was so stingy that he couldn’t even bear to pay his car taxes, but rather, negotiated with his car dealer to change his car every three months just so he could evade tax even with all his billions!

? Well, isn’t it obvious they simply copied yahoo, pasted it on their own server, and changed y to g?

WHAT GUY'S DO IN FRONT OF GIRLS

foolish things guys do when they are with their babe in other to make them comfortable.

KNOW YOUR BEST FRIEND'S

'Be slow to fall friendship but when thou in, continue from the constant remarked Socrates.Your association determine your accumulation, and your accumulation determines your acceleration. We are made by what we associate ourselves with in life.The question then is WHO IS YOUR FRIEND ? we knew ourselves as an individual but along the line, we are known by our association. you are the same today that you are going to be in five from now except for two things: the people whom you associate and the books you read.Dear, your best friends are those who brings out the best in you, because you will surely become like those whom you closely associate.



                     Who corrects you but do not judge you ?
                      who scold you when you fall below moral standard ?
                       who appreciate you when at your best   {or not } and still want more ?
                        who can you speak aloud to in your thought ?
                         who hear you silence when you speak no word ?
                          who knows all about you and still loves you ?
                           that fellow is your friend !!!!!!
A mirror reflects a man's face;but what he really likes is shown by the kind of friends he chooses. Choose your friend, hence they drag you along their decision, ideas and path they choose for destination and not yours. There is a need to define who we associate.There are good ships and there are bad ships, but but the best ships are your friends. there is an adage which says show me who you respect and i will show you your destiny. E.K piper said, ''keep out of the suction caused by those who drift  backwards'' friends, if you are in one that is undesirable, then it is time to act like a man of thoughts , thus, ''it takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move toward the opposite direction' observed .
make friends that will lift you and not those that will lean on you, because it's in essentially your choice to achieve your dreams in life.
Every friends made may either or mar you, chose friends that knows more,inspire mores, dream more, more smarter because you will eventually become like choose as friend s . Be gentle like a dove and wise as serpent. Remember.
                                    ''if you live with dog, you will rise with flea
                                       if associate with wolf  you will learn how to howl
                                        if  you fly with an eagle you will earn how to sow in a greater height''
people and things can stop you temporary, but you can stop your self permanently. mentorship is the key to extra_ordinate success, be as you want to be seen. Decide and choose what is best for your life John Mason discerned ''steer clear of negative_thinking experts. Remember, in the eyes of average people, average is always considered outstanding. look carefully at your closet associate,because it's an indication of the direction you're heading to.......

EXPLOIT YOUR CHANCES TO BE RICH IN NIGERIA !!!!!!

Nigeria, the giant of Africa, is a nation in which there are many opportunities for those who are really in search of them. So many employment opportunities abound which one could cash into without going through excruciating processes. For instance, its only in Nigeria that one can start up a school without first securing a license from the government. Therefore, it is surprising to know that despite all the opportunities in Nigeria, Nigerians still complain of unemployment and unavailability of mouth watering opportunities. The truth is that opportunities abound in Nigeria but Nigerians are too myopic to realize them. Hence, this article brings to light the numerous fertile fields in Nigeria which turn those who cultivate them into instant millionaires without necessarily putting them through hell.

Religion

Nigeria is a developing country and therefore, is assailed by so many economic, social, and political problems. For instance, in Nigeria, getting a visa to travel abroad is as difficult as getting an admission into any one of the few substandard universities in the country. Besides, though the country has oil, petroleum products are as expensive as gold and plans are under way to increase them even more. The nation is presently bereft of experienced medical practitioners and medical equipments. Therefore, a woman delivering her baby in a Nigerian Hospital is like committing suicide because the chances of her surviving is 50-50. Even if she is having a heart transplant! All these and more disconcert Nigerians all the time and due to the intensity and importunity of these problems, Nigerians become prone to seeking solutions to their problems any how and any where they can. As a matter of fact, most Nigerians do not give a hoot about the God that answers their prayers, nor do they care about how such God does it. They just want their problems solved! If therefore, a person comes out, claiming he has a panacea to their ordeals, they swarm to him like flies to a dirty kitchen.
Nigerian clergies are the richest men in the country! The ones in the higher echelon own private Jets and move around in tall convoys. The power these men wield over Nigerians is inconceivable. If they say “Let there be peace” peace flourishes. And if they say “let there be war” the whole place rocks in bedlam. The most amazing thing about the opportunities provided by religion is the fact that they do not need to be approved or licensed by any one. You can just pick up your bible or Koran right now and claim to be a servant of God. If you act as well as Nkem Owoh, you can be rest assured of the fact that people will follow and obey your every whim! Hunger and humiliation will become a thing of the past for you.
This is one field of opportunities you can be guaranteed bountiful harvest if you cultivate.

Music:

though they are besieged by so many problems and shortcomings, Nigerians love enjoying themselves and the major ways through which they do that is singing and dancing. In this nation, you don’t have to be talented to make amazing sums of money through music. All you need to do is make sure that your music is danceable. How philosophical your lyrics are doesn’t matter. You can make good money out of Nigerians if you sing “ I dey chop o” to good beats for four minutes. Musicians in Nigeria are another group of people that eat tapioca pudding with a soup full of meat. Not only do the youths fall head over heels in love with them, companies and institutions also scramble for them with whopping sums of money just to get them to endorse their brands of products. A few years back, D banj, a Nigerian Musician who has no musical “ta” talk more of “lent” was given the jaw dropping sum of 750 Million Naira, just to endorse Globacom Nigeria!
Other ways by which musicians keep their bank accounts swelling include organizing shows, making celebrity appearances at events and of course, using their celebrity power to befriend those within the corridors of power like presidents and governors. In fact, being a musician in Nigeria is just like serving God. It has so many advantages and yet has no disadvantage. If you are reading this article on an empty stomach, why not grab a guitar and a piece of paper and write a song now? No matter how insane your song is, you are bound to make money from it!
The Nigerian music industry is becoming more lucrative than the oil industry. Cultivate this large field of opportunities and you’ll be rich for eternity

Partisan Politics:

In Nigeria, we do not practice democracy alone. We practice democracy entwined with plutocracy. Now, for those of us who skipped government classes back in secondary school, plutocracy is a system of government in which the rich rule or dominate the government. Absolute plutocracy is what we have in this country. No poor man can rise to any substantial political position except of course, if he has a God father playing the beats behind him. As a result of this, during election periods, party members, especially those lucky enough to be made delegates, accrue jaw-dropping sums of money. It was once reported that a presidential aspirant under the umbrella of PDP once gave every delegate of the party 20 million Naira each! Just imagine what one could accomplish with that elephant sum!
The person who did this was once a governor, so it is no secret how he got such amount of money. In Nigeria, corruption doesn’t exist; it lives! But that doesn’t matter for now. What matters is that middle and lower class citizens like you and I can amass millions, if not billions of Naira, if we join a political party today and play our cards well.
Start looking for a political party to join now. If you ask me, I’ll strongly recommend PDP. They pay top money there.

Belligerence or militancy:

in any other country, asking anyone to become a militant would be giving the person a malevolent piece of advice. But here in Nigeria, being a militant is more lucrative than being a bank manager. To start with, the Nigerian Armed forces are mere jokes. Their weapons are not only outdated; they are also very few. The staff of the police and other armed forces of this country receive peanuts as salaries and also serve under very pitiable conditions. Hence, if you can be as courageous as to buy a brand new AK47 rifle, a few bombs and get your friends to join you to become a militant; the police would take to their heels immediately they see you.
Kidnap a few people, kill a few others and threaten to bomb the house of assembly and you’ll see the federal government seeking ways through which to placate you- just like bees search for honey! Now, when the federal government is out to cut a deal with you; that means freedom from poverty! It will never be found in your lineage again – except of course, if you spend a million Naira every day.
Every cloud has a silver lining, they say. Here in Nigeria, the excruciating ordeals we citizens face are so fervent that while seeking ways out of them, we create juicy opportunities for ourselves. It takes good thinking to realize them and the ones above are just but a few of them.
Till I write you again, try exploring the above mentioned opportunities…Except the last one of course!

HOW TO TREAT LADIES, AND GET THEM TO LOVE YOU !!!!!!!

Women are as strange as a heap of snow in eastern Nigeria. It is a lot easier to tell when Jesus would come, than to tell what a girl would do next. This alone has put many guys into emotional trauma. Some guys put in everything they have into their relationships, but only a few days later, the girl crashes it, and scurries away to another man. Honestly, this is painful, but it’s not unusual. Girls are not really crazy about what is right and what is wrong. However, they are all generally hardwired in the same way. They all react to certain stimuli. There are some rules which if a guy adheres to vociferously; they would start gravitating to him like termite flies to the floor. I’ve compiled some of these rules here and if you want to become a ladies’ man in the next few months, you are reading just the right article!

Be Patient!

Most guys I know simply meet the girls they like, walk up to them immediately and start professing their love to them like Romeo. This is just not good for the business of getting girls to like you. For all you know, if a girl doesn’t know you and you try to tell her how much you love her and stuff, she’ll merely see you as some loser trying to get into her pants. Girls react to emotions and you don’t give one emotions within the first few hours of meeting them. Why the rush then? Except you are a super star, or you are dashingly handsome, it would do you a lot of good to exercise patience each time you see a lady you like. Talk to her on mundane issues. Get to know her first (or at least, pretend to be getting to know her). Make her laugh. Try to establish a connection between the both of you, i.e; you might try joining her swimming society, or church. This way, she’ll grow fond of you and your job will be half done, if not done.

If you’ve ever met a girl, professed love to her and she agreed on the same day, it means that she -was either a flirt, or she terribly lacked class. Period!

Don’t Brag!

Girls want to date men who are alpha males-not men who say they are alpha males. As a matter of fact, a girl will find you a lot more interesting if you talk about how undisciplined you are, or how you can’t even boil hot water, than if you talk about how big your business is and how much money you have stashed away in some bank account. The only group of girls who would find this type of trash interesting are those of easy virtue. Never talk about how you beat up 5 guys at the same time for trying to fuck with you except it is really funny or necessary. Never talk about your heavily furnished apartment. Never talk about how the president is your best friend. Girls just don’t like braggarts. Whats more? They are not alone in that. No one likes braggarts!

Don’t push them:

Now, some guys actually delude themselves by thinking that when a girl says “no”, she means “you should keep trying as I’ll say “Yes” someday”. Now, in as much as this is occasionally true, girls just do not want you to haste them into a relationship and its absolutely true. Some guys find girls they like and attack them with incessant calls and messages, hoping to get a “yes” someday. The most obnoxious amongst them actually stalk them for hours, show up at their houses uninvited, or worse still, beg their friends, siblings, and relations to help them explain their undying love to the girl in question.

This is a total turn off! She would immediately lose every respect she had for you, and even if she eventually says yes, she would always know she has the upper hand-and you don’t want to be in a relationship where your girl has the upper hand. Instead of behaving this dumb, when you ask her out and she refuses, do not repeat yourself (its not like she has forgotten). Call her sparingly and expect her to return your calls as well. As a matter of fact, it is highly advisable to refrain from calling a girl who doesn’t call you. Each time you take two steps towards her, wait for her to take one step towards you before you continue with the 3^rd step. This way, she would realize that you are not just some loser, trying to get something “higher” than you. She would see that you are confident, secured and enlightened. She would see that you believe yourself to be important. My many years of dealing with girls have thought me one lesson; they won’t hear you by your many words or even actions!

Never try to impress a girl with your money!

Some guys actually think they can turn a girl on by showering monetary presents or their equivalents on her. How wrong they are? If you have money, your chances of getting girls will increase greatly because your societal value will increase and being socially acceptable turns girls on so fast their heads usually spin. However, spending it on them makes little or no difference when it comes to how they truly feel about you. Remember, that am not talking about women of easy virtue here. We are talking about how to get decent, classy girls to fall in love with you and in this issue, money has but a very insignificant role to play.

Settle the bills whenever you go on a date with her. Buy her symbolical presents like flowers, perfumes, and under wears from time to time. But when it comes to doing things like paying for her house rent, getting her a car, or catering for her family; you can do all that for her and she would simply like you for your money-not for you. When the situation is this ugly, she becomes bound to cheat on you with other guys who she find attractive. When a typical guys discovers this, he starts ranting about how wicked all girls are- forgetting that instead of presenting himself, he presented his money to the girl and she fell for his money-not for him.

Become a Ladies Man today!

In conclusion, there are many rules, principles or tenets by which girls ought to be treated some of which are not even written here but they can all be summed up as this; Be the man and let her be the woman. Lead and never let her lead. Always have the upper hand, and let her know you have the upper hand.

Irrespective of how you look, you can get a whole bunch of classy girls for yourself if only you’ll apply some of these rules. Keep flirting till I sacrifice some of my flirting time to write you again.

Mistakes Men Make While Asking Ladies Out !!!!!!!!

The art of wooing is a delicate phenomenon which must be performed creatively in order to achieve desired results. Owing to the ignorance of some men as to the existence of certain silent donts while hitting on chics, they have begun to see girls and women as a specie of good-looking “aliens”, who are more weird than an adjective can describe.
This conclusion is often arrived at, after trying severally to win a lady’s heart without success. However, the truth remains that women are mere human beings who appreciate good things, and deprecate bad ones. Hence, if you are one of those guys who is still yet to take a regular Alicia out, there must be something you are not doing right!
Hopefully, your problems are about to be solved, as below are the most common mistakes men, or boys, make while wooing ladies.

Being Timid

A guy I know once met a girl on his way to the stadium. Having foiled many attempts to get a girlfriend, he reached deep into the recess of his balls and mustered up a thousand tons of courage to speak with her. On getting there, his morale miscarried, and our guy lost his sense of speech, sense of touch, and judging from the way he moped at her, I think he lost his sense of sight too. As if enough harm wasn’t done already, his feet were also shaking like that of a mango tree in a storm!

Looking at the way that girl laughed, am sure she was very happy to have met our guy that morning. But gee! Would she date him for the world? I DON’T THINK SO!
Shyness is natural. Shyness is involuntary. Shyness is cool in a way. But wake up, bro; shyness cant get you ANYTHING in life. Always bear that in mind while talking to a girl. Another tip that might help you get over your uneasiness with the female gender is for you to gesticulate with all parts of your body while speaking. Move your hands. Shift from one foot to the other. Act like you are a happy little boy by kicking an imaginary ball in the air. These actions, as out of place as they may seem, help exhaust some of those tense feelings that make you look bad before dear Alicia!

The nature of the discussion you have with her

Now we are getting somewhere. After you’ve met, become friends, and scheduled a date without any accidents or mishaps (you know what I mean) , you are definitely going to get to that fearful stage where you both rub minds for the first time. This stage is delicate as the topics you discuss with your Alicia on your first date goes a long way to determine if she will think about you all through the night…. Or laugh about you with her friends, all through a night, most miserable for poor you.

Some guys actually start such conversations with “Are you born again?”. How naive! Even if the girl you are wooing is a nun who jumps at every opportunity to talk about how dearly she loves Jesus, raising a topic like this one will only make you her potential convert, or spiritual child – not the lover you desire to be! Another total turn off is politics. We all know you spend half your income reading newspapers, and you don’t know who Justine Bieber is, because you are often too busy watching CNN but bro, that wealth of knowledge won’t get you very far on your first date.

Ideal topics of conversation should be focused on your personal experiences. If the girl is shy, or reticent, do not push her to speak. Loosen her lips by relishing on some of the naughty things you did as a kid. Funny occurrences in your life are life savers in such circumstances as nothing pays more than putting a smile on her face by letting her into your life. If you do this well, and all other factors are equal, she is bound to let you in on her own life and bro; if that happens then I suggest you go buy yourself a pack of condoms… it might come in handy!

Dirtiness

Its quite surprising to note that some men still go after ladies with an odour hanging in their mouths, or their clothes smelling to high heavens. For goodness sake, girls are cleanliness freaks! They wash their hair many times a week, polish and cut their finger nails, and smell of all types of cosmetics and perfumes all day long – not to mention that they wash their mouths two to five times a day! Whats more, the typical female’s sense of smell is more sensitive than that of a typical male. So, if there’s so much as a speck of dirt on that jean of yours, don’t delude yourself by thinking our Alicia won’t notice. Matter of fact, she’ll laugh over it with her friends once you are done embarrassing yourself speaking with her.

Wash that socks of yours properly and if you don’t launder too well, get a dry cleaner to do the job. As for your mouth, nothing sucks more than a mouth odour and its therefore advisable that you wash your mouth before your first date and also get a chewing gum, or lick something that smells sweet. Remember that most of what you say to her will come out in whispers (that’s the romantic way). You should plume and groom yourself to perfection. Don’t worry, you can always make up for it by avoiding taking your bath for days, when you are done seeing Alicia. I mean, boys will be boys, right?

One more thing, your prof in the university probably told you that we human beings have natural fragrances which attract the opposite sex and of course, professors are always right. But you would do yourself a great deal of good by forgetting old prof’s idea while going to meet Alicia. Please reserve the natural fragrance for your male friends and anyone who doesn’t give a fuck about how you smell. While going to see Alicia, use a perfume! The most annoying thing about odours is that those who have it, hardly know they do and you don’t wanna leave anything of that sensitive nature to chance! Hence, use a modest perfume. It costs a dozen a dime these days.

Using an outlandish Language

Imagine a guy walking up to a lady in an environment where Yoruba is the language of the day, only to say “Hi, pretty? Can I get to know you?”

That is immature, fake, and totally not cool. Apart from the fact that the average second language speaker is vulnerable to a variety of grammar and pronunciation anomalies, Using a foreign language makes you appear to be trying to impress, and if you know what I know about women, you would understand why its important that she never sees you as one who is trying to impress her. It’s always better to start off on a local footing.

Apart from this, if foreign languages must be used, never use jaw breakers, unless they are ABSOLUTELY necessary.

Being cocky

Some guys expect girls to flock after them the minute they brandish their wraps of money notes. Some others wait by a street corner, and beckon on girls to come to them, expecting absolute obedience. How ridiculous! In the process of wooing a lady, you are expected to be strong, mature, and considerate. You are expected to show some level of self respect. But whatever you do, never ever try to act cocky.

Instead of beckoning on her to come to you (when you are only meeting for the first time), why not walk up to her and say hi? Instead of hitting her ass and saying “I know you want me” (believe me, some guys are actually do that!), why not reach for her hands, look into her eyes and say “you are beautiful”?

Humility, even when faked, is a virtue. It is a principal sign of maturity and it melts hearts faster than heat melts ice.

Girls are delicate, often selfless, and beautiful creatures who are more than willing to love you for who you are if they find themselves comfortable around you. Avoid the mistakes stated above when next you are off to Alicia’s place and just maybe you’ll land yourself with a truly charming girl

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