SOME STEPS TO TAKE BEFORE FAILING AN EXAMINATION

its just too easy

In Nigeria today, the topic above couldn’t be better timed. The Unified Matriculation Examinations are only two weeks away. WAEC exams are just around the corner. And whats more, aptitude tests are knocking at every prospective tertiary student’s door. In view of these chain of exams, the author has compiled a list of things which prospective candidates must avoid. Like a philosopher once said, being an expert doesn’t mean being experienced in a field; rather it means, knowing all the problems one could possibly encounter in a particular field and knowing how to avoid them. Read on, and you might just become an expert in passing your exams.

What can those dumb guys ask that I dont already know?

Underestimate the Examination: The first step towards failing any examination is to see the exam as a child’s play which a genius like yourself can pass even while sleeping. I mean, what could those dummies that call themselves examiners know that you don’t already know? Why waste valuable time looking for past question papers and checking schemes of works when all they would ask is probably what is two plus two?
To ensure that you fail these imminent exams, don’t bother about the questions at all. They are all going to be as simple as banging your girlfriend. I personally suggest you get yourself a video game to kill time till that simple exam comes along. I mean, we’ve got only one life, right?

Read all through the night before the examination

Now, you’ve been reading like a year before the exam, but now that the exam is taking place tomorrow, you need to read all through this night. Don’t have a minute of sleep!- that should be reserved for lazy students. Remember what they said about Bill Clinton? He doesn’t sleep for more than 2 hours every night. And during campaigns, he doesn’t sleep at all! That’s the kind of man you should be emulating, isn’t it?
You need to fire all through the night. Am sure you’ll fall asleep on your exam desk and that way, you’ll submit a blank paper at the end of the exam, and that way, your job is half done. You will definitely fail!

Focus on Past Questions and Nothing more

Okay, you’ve missed the first stone and you have gone all through the trouble of searching for, buying and borrowing past question papers, knowing fully well that an Igbo proverb says that he who wants to know what his new wife would look like when she gets old, should look at the face of his mother in-law, right? Now, all you need to do is focus on the past question papers! Chances are that as many as 2 questions in the upcoming examination would be culled from these past question papers. Don’t read any other thing. Don’t read textbooks (they are really boring, aren’t they?).
Lets say you are a prospective WAEC candidate. The exams have been running for since 19-God knows when- and all you need to is get those question papers and rivet your eyes to them. At least, you are sure to get nothing less than, sorry, nothing more than 2 marks.

Dont read at all

You know what, guys and chics who observe the two points above are weird, stupid, and crazy, aren’t they? I mean, while waste your time studying dumb past question papers in the first place? Why waste time reading dumb textbooks when there are lots of films out there to kill time on?
Yeah yeah, your teacher says you’ll fail if you don’t read, but since when did you start giving a fuck? Come on, bro. Go get your self a new toy and play like there’s no tomorrow till the exam day. Believe me, if you heed this instruction vociferously enough, there’s no way you wont fail your exams. That’s the surest path to success in failing your exams.

Fight in the Exam Hall

Now, the points above are okay, but if you add this one to the list, then there’s no way you are not successfully failing that examination. Do you remember how those invigilators usually look? Do you remember the “I own your future” gaze they shoot at students? This is your time to get even!
When one of those troglodytes approach your desk, tell her you want to fuck her right there in the exam hall, on your exam desk. if she says anything dumb (like she’s bound to say) give her a resounding slap and waalaa; your exam is fried! Success in failure becomes inevitable.
There are just too many advantages one gains while using this method. First, you fail your exams successfully. Second, you show those prudes once and for all that they do not own, nor rule your future. And then most importantly, you get to fail every one in the exam centre. Yes! Everyone ! all those dorks who must have done nothing but reading in the last few months, those “I know more than Einstens” like Larry Okeke, who go about acting like they have the whole world in their small heads! They all fail!
Remember what they say; there is love in sharing! Failing your exams successfully is good, but when you share the failure with everyone, that becomes incredibly marvelous!

its the easiest thing in the world!

Honestly, there’s nothing as simple as failing an examination and if you really went through the trouble of buying an examination form, only to realize you would be happier if you fail it, then just about anything can get your heart’s desires.
For those of us who don’t want to fail, I strongly suggest you laugh over this article and stop at that. STOP AT THAT!!!